Thursday, June 12, 2008

Crazy and Stimulated

So here it is, the official blog for the Zipp OVCX Tour's Greater Cincinnati International Cyclocross Festival -- and they gave me the password. Are they crazy? What were they thinking? That's like giving your 17 year old son the keys to the Lamborghini...

Speaking of crazy, how's this: Three consecutive days of UCI and Zipp OVCX Cyclocross around Cincinnati in October. Like, the only other place they do stuff like that is in Belgium, right? There was one press release in May that barely mentioned the three-day weekend and, judging by the Google search results, lights went on all over the country. Apparently there are a lot people who "used to be" from Ohio and Kentucky, and they're already thinking "homecoming". I can't wait to see what happens when they make the big announcement.

But you're probably thinking that a promoter would have to be crazy (or stupid) to run a cyclocross on a Friday afternoon, right? I mean, who would be crazy enough to organize a bike race during a work day in America? Oh sure, there's Super Week, and the Tour of California, and the Tour of Georgia, and the Tours of Missouri & Utah & Pennsylvania, and just last week was Philly Week (which had races on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons). I know what you're thinking, "but those aren't normal races." Give yourself a star for getting right to the point(s). Because Cincinnati on October 10, 11, 12 aren't going to be "normal" cyclocross races. Think about it, are any of your local cyclocross promoters simultaneously working on their cyclocross races and their base tan? I didn't think so.

It's funny, even just 2-3 years ago, people used to say you had to be crazy to race 'cross. (Of course, those people were right, you DO have to be crazy.) But now, people also say you're crazy if you're a bike racer that doesn't do 'cross. So it would seem that you're pretty much screwed no matter what you do. But remember, there are different kinds of crazy. There's "crazy" like the fun-loving crazy guy that dresses fashionably trashy and always seems to leave parties with the hottest girl. And then there's "crazy" like the guy who thinks he's going to score by wearing last decade's clothes (because "you can't dressy trashy 'till you spend a lot of money") and refusing to go to parties because "that's not what I do". To each his own, but we all know who's going to be stimulated on Friday...

Speaking of stimulation, if you're not already a cross dresser this is your golden opportunity to be hip, trendy, cutting edge and dirty all at the same . Thanks to Uncle George, you have a shiny new economic stimulus check (you didn't spend it already did you?). The Prez is a big-time mountain bike rider, remember? Sheesh, he rides one of Lance's old Tour de France bikes on a trainer while flying on Air Force One. Do you think it's merely a coincidence that the government is giving couples just enough money to buy a bike but not nearly enough to do a home improvement project? The government gave you that money to stimulate the economy and save America from oil dependency, by golly! It's you patriotic duty to spend it on a new bike! Whatever your political views, you gotta admit this is the greatest excuse of all time to buy a racing bike, "I need to spend the money on gear Honey to, uhh, stimulate the economy. All our friends are doing it. And think how much money we'll save because everybody knows that cyclocross bikes are the perfect commuting bikes and it'll save the planet from global warming and protect that very expensive and delicate road racing bike I bought last year. And besides, you look totally hot in Wellington boots."

Cincy's gonna be the place to be when the cross festival kicks in. Are you crazy enough to dress fashionably trashy and be there?

Or are you going to stay home and wait for that casting call from Ashton Kutcher...


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